February, 2024

Hello Friends!

Welcome to your habits, mindset, and well-being newsletter!

Last newsletter we addressed romantic relationships, highlighting our habits and interactions that impact the quality and happiness in our partnership. If you missed this, you can read about it here.

In keeping with this month’s theme of love and relationships, today, I’m diving into a fresh perspective on addressing the challenges and changes in female friendships in mid-life and beyond.

But first up, let’s re-establish the importance of connections. Research confirms that close relationships are the most significant factor in personal well-being, protecting against stress and improving a person’s mental health.

FRIENDSHIP IS SOMETHING WE NEVER OUTGROW!

No matter our age, life circumstances, or what is happening, close, healthy relationships give us a sense of belonging that’s irreplaceable.

There’s a saying: “We have friends for different reasons, seasons, and friends for a lifetime.”

In mid-life and beyond, there seems to be more of shift with our friendships. I think we’ve all felt this, at some point, with the different seasons of our lives.

Female friendships are dynamic and can undergo various changes over time due to personal growth, life transitions, societal influences, and changing priorities.

With our families and careers in flux, coupled with caring for aging parents, our bandwidth for friendship can be diminished.

Suddenly we can feel like we are back in school, like we have no friends, and perhaps that “nobody likes me anymore,” having little energy to make new friends. So, what do we do?

In my latest blog, I detail the challenges and changes in friendships of mid-life and beyond, and present suggestions of where and how you can find friends in this season of life. Read it here.

There are plenty of opportunities to connect with people if we look for them. However, what tends to hold us back from putting ourselves out there is our own negative self-talk and thoughts of self-doubt. We forget who we are and what we have to offer!

A FRESH PERSPECTIVE

Oftentimes we pigeonhole ourselves into only reaching out to certain (or specific) people; we need to change this mindset! Every single person we have contact with has something to offer that can enrich our lives. And you, in turn, have something to offer them, you’re just not seeing it. This may or may not turn into a friendship, but this is part of our journey.

One mistake we can make is thinking that someone who is out of our age range has nothing in common with us, and perhaps wouldn’t be “friend worthy”. Nothing can be further from the truth! Inspiration and learning from different perspectives can serve you well.

Think about the people who you need to meet; those that will best compliment your strengths and help you be your best self. Who are the people who could benefit from your assets, energy, and spirit? I love this key question: “How can I help?” which acknowledges and reinforces your strengths, skills, qualities, and talents.

Sometimes the excuse of, “I don’t want to “bother” someone else pops into our heads (guilty). Or perhaps we’ve had the thought “they already have a friend group; they don’t have time or interest in me.” These excuses are the voice of avoidance – not wanting to be vulnerable – the very thing we need to overcome to build friendships and connection.

I want to encourage you to pause and consider another obstacle – your fears… fear of rejection, fear of closeness, fear of failure, or even fear of feeling awkward. All common feelings and fears when we are being vulnerable.

START WITH YOU!

First off, have awareness and acceptance of all your thoughts and feelings. Remember, everyone has been there at one time or another; we are all human. Reframe your mindset; remind yourself of who you are, what you have to offer, and how you can help others.

Start by putting yourself in social situations where you feel relatively comfortable, like joining a club or attending a local event related to your interests. This way, you'll already have something in common with the people you meet, which can make striking up conversations a bit easier.

When meeting new people, try to focus on being genuinely curious about others. Ask open-ended questions and listen attentively to what they have to say. People love to talk about themselves, so showing interest in them can help build rapport and make the interaction feel less daunting, and you may learn something too.

It's important to remember that not every interaction will result in a new friendship, and that's OK! Sometimes, you just won't click with certain people, and that's totally normal. Just keep putting yourself out there and eventually, you'll find your tribe.

Lastly, be patient with yourself. Making friends takes time, and it's natural to feel a little awkward or unsure at first. Keep practicing, stay open-minded, and before you know it, you'll be surrounded by an awesome group of friends who appreciate you for exactly who you are.

Mindset Matters From Judy

So, you know that little voice in your head that loves to compare yourself to others? Yeah, we all have it, and it can be a real obstacle when it comes to making friends.

Think about it: when you're constantly comparing yourself to others, it's hard to truly connect with people because you're too busy worrying about how you measure up.

But here's the thing: comparison is like wearing blinders that prevent you from seeing your own worth and uniqueness. It's like trying to run a race while constantly looking over your shoulder at everyone else. You're so focused on what everyone else is doing that you forget to appreciate your own strengths and qualities.

Comparison is natural, but it's not always helpful. Instead of getting caught up in comparing yourself to others, shift your focus inward. Focus on your own journey, your own growth, and what makes you uniquely YOU.

The antidote to comparison is gratitude. Take some time each day to reflect on the things you're grateful for, whether it's your talents, your accomplishments, or the people who support you. When you cultivate a mindset of gratitude, it becomes a lot harder to get sucked into the comparison trap.

So, next time you catch yourself comparing yourself to others, take a step back, remind yourself of your own worth, and focus on building genuine connections with the people around you. After all, friendships are about accepting each other as we are, flaws and all.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

WOW! This was a lot, but such an important topic that we rarely talk about!

Hopefully this has spurred you into rethinking your friendships and interactions.

I think it's good for all of us to make one new friend each year!

Thanks for reading! Feel free to forward this email to a friend and encourage them to subscribe!

Looking for support in developing your habits, mindset, or mental wellness? Check out my coaching services and join my email list to learn of upcoming workshops, tips, and strategies.

To your healthy mindset and well-being,

Judy

Judy Rooney, MSW, LCSW

Therapist, Certified Habit, Mindset, & Wellness Coach

EMPOWERING HEALTHY HABITS AND MINDSET FOR IDEAL WELLNESS, HAPPY LIVING AND FEELING GOOD!