1 | February, 2024

Happy February Friends!

How have you all been wintering?

I’ve been recovering from surgery with my new hip and adjusting to my new lifestyle of “working” for myself. Seems strange to say that because ONCE UPON A HABIT is for all of you!

So, let’s dive into the theme for this month: LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS!

I know this may seem cliché for the month of February, but this month provides us the opportunity to REALLY examine and be thoughtful about how we interact with the people we love, and the relationships that help us be the best versions of ourselves.

WE ARE MEANT TO BE IN CONNECTION WITH OTHERS! If you think about it, separateness is at odds with our biology! Our bodies and brains are wired for empathy, cooperation, generosity, and connection, which = relationships.

Social connection is a basic human need that is ESSENTIAL to our overall health and well-being.

Unfortunately, we’re living in a time of disconnection. Rates of loneliness have been at an all-time high, even though we are more “connected” than ever, thanks to improved internet, transportation, and cell services. There are many reasons for this - that I will not get into now.

Instead, let’s focus on how we can feel and be more connected to those we love and care about.

What Do Habits Have to Do with relationships?

As we’ve grown and matured, we’ve learned how to be in relationships from watching our parents, friends, movies, and TV; right or wrong, good or bad, this is our experience.

“Being” in a relationship is something that you do, it doesn’t just happen to you – it takes thought, action, and behavior, which repeated becomes routine and habitual.

Aware of it, or not, we all have established habits with our interactions, depending on the context of the relationship.

For Example:

How you greet your spouse when you come in the house ("Honey, I'm home")
How you greet your friends when meeting them for lunch ("Helloooo")
How you sign off on a phone conversation with your hubs or children (“Love you, bye”)

We tend to take these habits for granted. They're on auto-pilot, with little regard to how they impact the quality of your relationship.

However, cultivating and maintaining healthy relationships are a series of intentional actions that become habitual.
This week in my blog, I’m stepping into the abyss of romantic, long-term relationships, and encourage you to re-assess the status of your love relationship and the habits you have established to maintain and improve this partnership.

I highlight the 7 daily habits that unequivocally improve your relationship with your spouse/partner, AND bring you more connection, intimacy, and joy, for a long-term loving relationship! Authors and researchers, John Gottman, Ph.D., and his wife, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Ph.D., have identified these seven small shifts in habits for couples in their book, The Love Prescription which I highly recommend for you and/or your hubby to read!

These 7 habits apply to making daily contact, showing gratitude, giving compliments, daily physical touch (spoiler alert: cuddling is the best!), asking for what you need, and declaring a date night!

Ummm, who doesn’t want that?

The relationship with our loved one is complex and is more than these 7 habits! It’s not always easy to establish a new habit, it takes commitment, consistency, and practice with these actions. It’s showing up as the kind of partner you want to be, and to honor the relationship that you share with your partner.

READ THE FULL BLOG HERE – YOU WON’T BE SORRY!

MINDSET MATTERS from Judy

We are all worthy of asking for and receiving what we need in our love relationships. Needs are normal, healthy, and human; they are essential to your life and well-being. It doesn’t matter if it is a want or a need – they are all valid and should be expressed to your partner.

There is a common mindset that you need to justify your need, want, or desire.

Release yourself from this mindset – it is not true or helpful.

We need to flip the script on this! Ask for what the need is. Don’t talk about what is wrong, but rather, ask for what the need is that you want fulfilled. Think about how you feel – and how you want to feel and what you need that would help you. Then ask.

Be simple, straight forward, and watch it work!

Closing Thoughts

Hopefully, this has spurred some thoughts and actions you can take to help you and your partner feel more connected, loved and joyful!

I encourage you to get a copy of the book, “The Love Prescription,” to have on your shelf as a reference, reinforcement, and accountability for your relationship habits.

Next newsletter, we'll dive into the challenges and changes in friendships, with suggestions on how to make friends as grown-up women.

Looking for support in developing your habits and mindset? Check out my coaching services and join my email list to learn of upcoming workshops, tips, and strategies.

To your healthy habits and well-being,

Judy

Judy Rooney, MSW, LCSW

Therapist, Certified Habit, Mindset, & Wellness Coach

EMPOWERING HEALTHY HABITS AND MINDSET FOR IDEAL WELLNESS, HAPPY LIVING AND FEELING GOOD!